TEMPE, AZ—We are taking a paws from our regular repurrting to bring you a breaking news update. Preliminary investigations have revealed as much as 58 purrcent of work submitted by law students was actually done by cats. Suspicions arose when a Purrfessor received a paper draft covered in catnip and claw-marks. Further investigation revealed meowntains of facebook, instagram, snapcat and twitter posts featuring photos of cats completing homework.
Asked how she felt about this situation, one Purrfessor stated she believed that “this is litterally a catastrophe. We don’t know how long this has been going on, but it has the faculty feline very uneasy.” In addition to allegations of cat purrlagiarism, officials have been investigating whether other animals such as dogs, bunnies, and ferrets have also been completing work; however, they have deemed it highly unlikely considering the tendency for those species to eat anything they come across.
Monday morning the school released an official statement. A letter from Dean Douglas Sylvester addressed to various media outlets read: “In an effort to improve purrformance and eliminate fluff from students’ work, we will be aggressively purrsuing avenues to help us claw back some of the prowess we have lost. It has been a purroblem fur sure.”
We have no further information at the meowment but will keep you updated as we uncover more of what can only be called a Catastrophic oversight.