Study Shows that 95% of 1Ls Spend too Much Time Outlining

TEMPE, AZ—Every second and third year law student knows that 1Ls are insufferable try-hards. Now science supports that claim.

Last week, the Sandra Day O’Connor College of Law surveyed  800 recent alumni about their law school experience. People raved about the weather, moaned about how there is no vending machine in the library, and had both kind and scathing words about professors on staff. But on question ten, “Any regrets?” a common theme emerged.

“Everyone tried too hard during their 1L year,” said Michelle Tanilo, ASU Law ’15. “I don’t understand why I spent 50 hours outlining for each class as a 1L. I mean, you don’t actually get graded for them. But if everyone jumps off a cliff, you have to join, right?”

In his response, class of ’07 graduate Chad McMann said, “I regret nothing, personally. My only regret is for the poor try-hards who spent half their semester prepping for finals. I didn’t, and I’m fine.” The Misnomer emailed the surveys out early Tuesday morning, and noted that McMann’s survey, returned by him personally at 10 a.m. the same morning in hard copy, smelled strongly of whiskey and had what looked like pizza-grease stains on the document.

Only 5% of respondents said they spent a reasonable amount of time on outlines as first-year students. “Who knew you didn’t need to spend five hours obsessing about offensive non-mutual collateral estoppel?” exclaimed Todd Peterson, Class of ’02, who is now one of the most renowned contract attorneys in all the Ninth Circuit.

When we confronted Robin Nagele, a current 1L, with the results of the study, she vehemently disagreed. “Oh my gosh, I am so worried about Winer’s final! I don’t know how to outline for that class, but I need to start outlining, like, yesterday.”

When a passerby mentioned that Professor Winer’s final exam is not open-note, she gave a death stare, sighed, and stress-watched cat videos on Youtube.

Despite the damning revelations in the alumni study, 1Ls are unlikely to stop producing 100 page outlines anytime soon. Thus confirming the study’s conclusion that 1Ls are, in fact, a bunch of try-hards.

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