After listening to Bob Marley radio for three days straight, first year law student Christopher Marlowe, has decided to drop out of the J.D. program at Arizona State to pursue his new dream of becoming the next reggae master.
“I’d call it a sort of religious awakening,” said Marlowe. “I was listening to ‘Kaya’ and knew that I wasn’t being faithful to myself. So I packed up my ukulele and hit the road in my ’05 Civic, or as I like to call it the ‘Freedom Machine.’”
Marlowe believes that he can use his first year studies to educate listeners about issues in the law. He has already written several law themed songs including “I Shot the Hunter (But There was No Joint Liability),” “No Bargain, No Cry,” and “A Venue I Can Feel.”
While Marlowe has fully embraced his self-described awakening, his family, peers, and professors are not convinced that he has fully thought the decision through.
“Before law school, I worked at a reggae lounge as an assistant janitor and let me tell you: it’s not all glitz, glamour, and ganja,” said law school dean Doug Sylvester. “It takes a lot of hard work and drugs to sit there jamming for ninety hours straight. But you have to give the public what it wants.”
“Of course, we’ve always taught Chris to follow his dreams,” said Marlowe’s mother Franny Marlowe. “Its days like this that I wish that he had stuck it out in astronomy camp. Now we have a law school and astronomy camp drop out! It should make for a good Christmas card. I wish I was better at Photoshop.”
“Guy smokes one J and he thinks he’s Bob Marley,” said Marlowe’s now ex-girlfriend Jessica Volmer. “If he thinks he can win me back with dreadlocks and a law school themed ukulele song then he’s in for a wake-up call.”
Marlowe is unsure whether he’ll be able to grow the dreadlocks necessary to fit in with the reggae discourse.
“I have a very tender scalp,” he explained. “Even with fourteen daily treatments of Pantene Pro-V applied directly to my scalp with a syringe I’m not sure I’ll be able to grow a mop. I ran a computer simulation and apparently I’ll look somewhere between a Super Saiyan Goku and George Costanza.”
Marlowe’s drop out has shed a spotlight on law student’s ability to find work after graduation. A recent study conducted by Forbes found that over half of law students would be “just as well off” graduating from law school as they would investing in a pyramid scheme.
“Mr. Marlowe’s decision may actually improve his chances of finding stable employment,” said Jane Quincy, a staff writer at Forbes who conducted the study. “Last year alone, 60% of all homeless persons in New York and Chicago possessed either a master’s degree in Psychology or a J.D.”
“Hell, I can tell you whether a defendant had mens rea when he committed a crime but that don’t mean I won’t eat no hotdog out of Wienerschnitzel’s garbage tomorrow,” said Tom Higgins, a homeless man who lives under Tempe Town Lake Bridge. “Hey if that Marlowe guy needs someone to jam with I play a pretty mean bucket.”
For now, Marlowe is optimistic about his future. Though he has yet to book a gig, he says that a recent Youtube video showing him playing his songs pant-less in Santa Cruz, California has made “quite a splash.”
“It’s been played on Jimmy Kimmel and it was mention in Jimmy Fallon’s monologue the other day” said Marlowe. “For now, my future is as endless as this bag of weed.”