Club Asks Students to Bring Own Lunch. Nobody Attends Meeting.

Law students love free food. Student organizations on campus have realized this for decades, and have reaped the benefits. Like a venus fly trap, any good club will suck hungry students in with Domino’s Pizza, Raising Cane’s, Pita Jungle, and more. Hell, we will even take Hungry Howie’s.

Unfortunately, there are limits to budget requests, and sometimes a club cannot provide free food to its members. The Super Avocado Law Student Association (SALSA) learned this the hard way last Thursday, when they brought in some avocado farmer who advocated for greater water rights. Nobody could remember the name because there were no free avocados to lure people into the meeting, so nobody went.

Said 3L Brianna Bunsenberger, “I went to the SALSA event on Tuesday, and it was awesome! They had burritos from Chipotle with fresh avocados on the side. But when they told us to bring brown bag lunches for Thursday, I was like, ‘Why is this happening? This is the 21st century, don’t they know I can’t cook? Might as well grab a panini and some coffee.'”

1L Kunal Patel is an SBA representative, so he understands that not all clubs can get the food they demand. “I mean damn! Here you have four different clubs, all making reasonable funding requests for food. Then you have SALSA come in and ask for 200 pounds of avocados. We could only provide 5 pounds and $200 worth of Chipotle lunches. Because we obviously need money for alcohol at our tailgate next Saturday.”

ASU Law Dean Jacques Trudeau, a worse-looking cousin of Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, acknowledged that times are tough for food-poor clubs. “With construction going on downtown, we only have so much money to spend on mediocre food. Why did SALSA need all those avocados for chips and guac? They should have stuck to chips and salsa.”

To put it bluntly, students don’t want to sit in a room and pretend to pay attention to a self-serving lecture. Many of us already do that in graded classes, so there better be free food to coerce us into club meetings.

Lettuce hope other clubs don’t make the same mistake.

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