Hipster 3L Chastises ASU Law for Selling Out, Moving Downtown, & Going Mainstream

TEMPE, AZ – For many returning law students, the Sandra Day O’Connor School of Law’s downtown move has been praised. Students no longer need to endure horrifyingly uncomfortable seating in the old Great Hall, epic journeys on the second floor to find professors’ offices, and life without a snack machine in the library. Externships and many big law jobs no longer require lengthy commutes. And importantly, as 2L Andre Wenton noted, walking to Chick-fil-A “only takes 30 seconds where it used to be 10 minutes.”

Despite all these apparent positives, 3L and lifelong Tempe native Drew Randolph deeply opposed the move. “It’s ridiculous. For its entire existence, ASU Law was a Tempe institution, and then it gets ripped from the community by moneyed interests and wealthy donors. I mean, there’s a freaking Snell and Wilmer Plaza now! I have no doubt the Dean will keep accepting more out-of-state heathens, raising tuition, and allow every part of the Arizona  Center for Law and Society be whored out for money to perpetuate the cycle. I’m surprised the administration hasn’t sold naming rights to bathroom stalls.”

When informed the school name changed to the Beus Center and updated its signage accordingly, he replied, “I rest my case…We didn’t need to leave, man. We were already ranked above Rogers Law and Summit. If this keeps up, I’m going to tell younger kids to attend Rogers Law so they won’t be sellouts.”

Rosenberg, who still lives in South Tempe and spends his spare time lamenting about this tragedy to anybody willing to listen at Cartel Coffee Lab, Casey Moore’s, and Devil’s Advocate, fondly remembers when the school was in Tempe.

“I would bike to classes and show up in a T-shirt and jorts without being judged. It was a safe space where students could freely play ping-pong, wear virtually anything, and get lost in the library for hours. I mean, you could drink in the law library and nobody would notice or care. And sure, people would complain about basically everything in the old building. But its Frank Lloyd Wright-inspired imperfections gave it character, something the new building is sorely lacking.”

Unfortunately, Rosenberg could not be reached for further comments. His light-rail was running late.



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